Archive for: July 2007

“God, I hate Christmas. I really do.”

” it’s a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say that it turns out at first it’s, it’s endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls. But, man, you take your eyes off ‘em for one second and - BAM! - they got a bucket on their head and they’re plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box. The point is that Newbie is my drunk baby.”

“maybe we could just fill a syringe with false promises and inject him with that.”

“I’ll tell you what, in about ten more minutes none of this is gonna matter, because this guy’s circling the drain.”

“Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.”

“since I’m not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement, I’ll just tell you this: God hates doctors, He truly does. You see all these old people in here? Well, any of ‘em would give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet, but most of ‘em are gonna stay and they’re gonna live forever and ever and ever. And your Mr. Milligan, well, it turns out he’s just young enough to die. I mean, think about it: It’s the holidays, there’s a sweet little kid involved. Can’t you just feel it?”

“Newbie! You never promise a patient that they’re gonna be fine!”

“Hold that thought, Newbie…. One, two, three, four…. My new thing is to count just exactly how many people in any given room can kick your ass. And in here, the number is four.”

“Great moment, there, dumb-ass. It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works, and winds up with you shattering some old man’s hand.”

“Now, no matter what you think of that guy in there, he always knew he wasn’t your father but he stayed in the game anyway. So how’s about you get your selfish ass in there.”