Archive for: January 2008

“Could I speak with you in the “stop filling my patient’s head with false hope” ward?” –>

“Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. Paige, I’d like you to meet random people I don’t care about.” –>

“Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I’ll just tell him it’s all a lie when he gets home so he doesn’t have any of those crazy nightmares.” –>

“Priscilla, I honestly, on my mother’s grave, thought your real name was Carol.” –>

“But, our new patient, Mr. Franks, in here is crazy rich, so I’d imagine Big Bob will be here momentarily to make love to his moneyclip.” –>

“Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally, but I’m having him spend the rest of the day checking that countertop’s heartbeat.” –>

“You go do that. And I’ll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we’ll meet right back here at half past impossible. Mm’kay?” –>

” Jerk-Off of the Year. No, Bastard of the Year! Uh, don’t you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I’d Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave Ya by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face…of the Year.” –>

“Maybe they’ll put it in Almost Magazine.” –>

“We’re also getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at CalTech, who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course, the numerous afterscreams that are sure to follow.” –>