Archive for: March 2008

“And did you tell him not since the late ‘eighties when you were trying to make it as “an actress”?” –>

“Oh, that’s the vagina of a 35-year-old Latina woman.” –>

“Gin is an alcoholic beverage which, if your mommy’s strong genes are any indication, you’ll eventually learn to love as it slowly destroys a giant portion of your adult life.” –>

“Ah. Sorry, Jack, the machine’s broken. Looks like you’re gonna have to guzzle your juice down without any ice. Pretend, um…. You know, pretend it’s gin.” –>

“Yay, congratulations, whoopee, all right, see ya.” –>

“Apparently he’s doing the “fatty dance.” Inappropriate? Well, maybe. But I’m raising my son to be a straight-shooter. That’s his mom, right over there.” –>

” Look, you pretty obviously have short-circuited. Because the odds of you ever actually having a baby are roughly on a par with me finding the Loch Ness monster in my bathtub.” –>

“Your sarcasm is wasted on me, you giant pregnant beast. This is an anger-free zone. There’s no anger here.(…)Oh! Guh! Counter! Ha ha haaaaa!” –>

“I’m not freshly ripping anybody anything anymore. I am done with anger.”

“Carla, for something to be an issue, it needs to cause a problem. I mean, honestly, aside from having to — by law — remain thirty feet away from a certain telemarketer who I visited while he was eating his dinner, I don’t see the downside.” –>