Archive for: August 2008

“You know, you are one special lady, Carla. It’s not every wife that works a full shift, and goes home to change baby’s diapers while her husband and his girlfriend spend the weekend mooning truckers and playing slut-bug. (…)If you keep letting Gandhi do wheter he pleases when…ever he pleases, while you take care of the baby, eventually, you’re not even gonna have time to shave your legs or groove your face thus making the most prominent male figure in your daughter life…You.”
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“Dorian, again! That I don’t know if it’s the hormones or if the baby is actually eating the the bitch-cells but Jordan has…softened.In fact last night she…she ask me to cuddle her.”
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“DOOORIAN! You have been wrong about so many things that…I’m not even going to say something’s wrong anymore, instead I’m going to say It’s Dorian! And the fact that you’ll be willing skip seeing that child’s heartbeat for the first time…it’s just plain Dorian! I mean, hell, Jordan is having her second ultrasound and I couldn’t be more giddy I can’t wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax-break.”
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“Oh, Nurse Kelso, ooh, purple is not your color. Listen, could you con out the housekeeping and maybe send up some fresh scrubs for me and–psst, come here. Please put on a bra, you’re distracting some of the other doctors.”
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“We are working. You see, even though we currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she is a heartless “red state” supporting , NRA backing and illegal immigrant hating self-righteous misinformed dope - essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs.”
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“Do you think you can actually be an absentee chief of medicine and still matter? Let me see if I can make this real clear for you. If this hospital were a human body, you’d be the appendix because at one time you served some function, but it was so long ago, nobody is quite sure what that was…anymore.”
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“Ooh, so that’s why we’re over there. Here I thought it was a rude act of terrorism, or was it for the oil? Or for mama Hussein secret Falafel rest I’ve been ashklashf…Gosh, that hard to keep track.”
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“She’s been gone 6 weeks, Bobo. But wait, before I make you look like a complete idiot, we’d all like to thank you for setting up the new employee discount of copydump. Gang! (…) And back to insulting you, she’s been gone 6 weeks, Bobo, the 6 days that you’re referring to are the 6 days you actually worked this month.”

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“We are running a test that’s a waste of our time. But at least she’ll accept she’s medically fine. She’ll admit that she’s nuts or I’ll have to say “snore”. Just give her the CAT-Scan and show her the door.”
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“Still, you’re not nearly as bad as her. Do you know how much you annoy me? The answer is: a lot. Should I list the reasons why?Well, I don’t see why not. It’s your hair, your nose, your chinless face, you always need a hug. Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug. That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex. And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex. (…) See now, Newbie? That’s the thing you do that drives me up a tree. ‘Cos no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be. So I’m stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son.It makes me suicidal and I’m not the only one, no I’m not the only one…(…) So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane and Sue. Like Moesha, Kim and Lilly and Suzanne and Betty Lou. Regardless of the names I pick my feelings are quite clear. You’re a pain in every day of every month of every year. (…)If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor, please just get me peace and quiet from this godforsaken pest.”
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