Category: One Liners

The correct answer she was looking for is a giant ego”! I have a giant ego!”

Hardly seems like much of a punishment for the kid from Kenya. I mean, God’s sake, he could run all day.

Note to self: You’ve got to start writing down the names of people that truly annoy you!

Careful, there, sweet-cheeks. I haven’t decided which way I’m going to take your temperature yet.

Oh, I-I-I’m sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself and dreaming about candy bracelets.

I’ll be honest with you, I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to get your voice out of my head. It is a very real concern.

That’s a cute couple. I give ’em a week.

I’m not freshly ripping anybody anything anymore. I am done with anger.

Look, we’re both men; one of us a little more than the other, but that’s okay.

Dammit, Laverne. Why can’t I ever be the one dying?