Category: Put Downs

“It really is just super that you’re here with us as a reminder that surgeons really are simply ignorant scalpel jocks. Hell, after surgery…if there’s the slightest medical issue you just turf the patient right down to us, the real doctors, so we can pick up your slack. You cut…and run, if you will. That’s right, it’s not just a phrase used by political pundits who wear bow ties. It is also the number one reason that all of you should pray to God, or, in your case Rex, Mocho the Samoan Bird King, that you never have to be treated by these flesh hungry butchers. Jenny, take his glasses as a trophy.”

“Sorry about that, Bobo,but I’m gonna go and tell the truth whenever i damn will, please. For instance, your tie. It’s hideous, in fact its only redeeming quality is to divert attention from the very visible outline of…your man-girdle.”

“Just a second on the yelling there Bob. Do you think you can actually be an absentee chief of medicine and still matter? Let me see if I can make this real clear for you. If this hospital were a human body, you’d be the appendix because at one time you served some function, but it was so long ago, nobody is quite sure what that was…anymore. ‘Xcuse us, we’re gonna talk it out over here.”

“Look, Barbie, what you’re missing here is that you’re private practice now. That means you’re the enemy. And I know, as a doctor, disease is supposed to be the enemy, but I’m giving hepatitis and his bantam infectious buddies a pass, and I’m coming after you today. The bottom line is you’d rather clock out of here early than run the extra mile for your patients, and, Barbie, that makes you a sell-out.”

“You’re giving orders to me? OMG, Barboo, you make me want to LOL. I just discovered text messaging. I know i’m a little late to the game, but that doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a G.A.B.P.I.T.A.W.M.W. number 2 “D.” Giant Annoying Bangsy Pain In The Ass Who Makes me Want to Die.”

” Look, you pretty obviously have short-circuited. Because the odds of you ever actually having a baby are roughly on a par with me finding the Loch Ness monster in my bathtub.”

“Oh, come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance, the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman.”

“Look, Newbie, there’s a reason that I can’t go the extra mile with patients. It’s something personal. I’m a good doctor. Kelly Ripa!”

“I had to go the bathroom, Barbie. People, from now on, if anyone needs to take a leak, please notify Dr. Reid. It is a pet peeve of hers.”

“Barbie, why did you order this test? For the love of God are you a real doctor or a doctor like Dr Pepper’s a doctor?”