Category: Put Downs

“Wait, wait. Let me get in on this. Let’s also have a toast to Mr. Foster’s widow and his fatherless kids. You know as well as I do, it could have been any one of your faults. Congrats again. Have a… have a swell party.”
–>

“Well, if it isn’t the Four Horsewomen of the Apocalypse. There’s a morbidity and mortality conference tomorrow to figure out who’s responsible for Foster’s death. And here’s the exciting news : I’m pretty sure it was one of you.”

–>

“Hate to burst your bubble, there, Barbie, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity seeing as it’s roughly five times as long as any of your white, pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.” –>

” Now I’m going to check on Mr. Jenkins, your war hero. I feel he, too, deserves a competent doctor. In fact, I’m gonna take all of your patients and consequently your only reason for getting out of that lacy, over-pillowed four-poster virgin cocoon you call a bed every morning.” –>

“In victory, I get your stethoscope. It’s a trophy. You’re lucky we’re not back in olden times - I’d-a made a necklace outta your teeth.” –>

” Or…we could skip the day-trip to Unnecessary Land and instead simply concede that Mrs. Wilk is my patient and that, while we are both attendings, we are in no way equals - we are in fact not equals. We are - hmmm! - unequals.” –>

“Eh, I’m tired. Maybe he is from the International Pretentious Association, and he’s here to remove your goatee.” –>

“All right, then, before we jump in to rounds, I see it’s time for my annual cologne intervention. Lonnie, you’re killing us. And, honestly, what’s the point? D’you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that’s just not going to happen, and here’s why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?” –>

“Whoa! Bob Kelso here before noon? They’re either giving away free doughnuts at the café, or there’s an Asian prostitute convention in the I.C.U.!” –>

“I was in a costume, too. I went as someone who doesn’t make a fool out of himself. How’d you not get that?” –>