Category: Put Downs

You know, Newbie, it’s so interesting — I found I couldn’t sleep last night, so, in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays hump day” and, of course, all Sandra Bullock movies.”

Newbie, you told me to tell her exactly how I feel, I did just that. Now you’ll remain on the floor until you come up with a new plan for me.

Did you feel that you weren’t quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you’re the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.

Now I’m going to check on Mr. Jenkins, your war hero. I feel he, too, deserves a competent doctor. In fact, I’m gonna take all of your patients and consequently your only reason for getting out of that lacy, over-pillowed four-poster virgin cocoon you call a bed every morning.

Oh, my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!

Carla, cut the guy some slack. Surgery is not as easy as it looks. I mean, he’s gotta make the incision, cut the wrong artery, panic, collapse into a ball of tears in the corner, and after all that he’s gotta go wash up, check the board, and find out who he’ll be killing after lunch. It’s…a grind.

Ooh, Bar-bye! You are up there without a net this time! Well, I sure do hope Mr. Chang rallies for ya, because if he doesn’t, sure shootin’ you’re gonna be hearing Bob Kelso’s voice saying sweetheart, I told you so” from now until you are two inches shorter and driving around Florida with your left-hand blinker on.”

Hate to burst your bubble, there, Barbie, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity seeing as it’s roughly five times as long as any of your white, pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.

Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan; Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie. Okay! That was a treat, wasn’t it? Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

Here that’s interesting. Of course, it’s gibberish, but it’s–it’s interesting nonetheless. I’m gonna go ahead and pass, and here’s why: You’re a typical surgeon, and as a rule you guys are insensitive and egotistical and you have the sense of humor of about a fourth grader.