Category: Put Downs

Gosh, I’m sorry, nervous guy, but I just can’t do your work for you. But, what do you say you head on down to the library and look it up in the New England Journal of Who Gives a Rat’s Ass?

you look like the guy who goes to a garage sale, buys a bronze star, pins it to his lapel, and then tells everybody to call him Sarge.” And Newbie, nobody likes that guy. Not a soul.”

You know, Newbie, it’s so interesting — I found I couldn’t sleep last night, so, in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays hump day” and, of course, all Sandra Bullock movies.”

Oh, my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!

Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan; Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie. Okay! That was a treat, wasn’t it? Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

Look, Britney, recently I made the potentially fatal mistake of getting back together with my ex-wife who, angel that she is, is carrying the spawn of another man’s seed. So, forgive me if I sound a tad irritable when I tell you, I don’t care what piece of irrelevant drivel you picked off TV while you were snuggled up in your Holly Hobbie P.J.s.

You know, Eunice, you never even woulda made that catch if you weren’t such an all-purpose nerd, sitting home alone on a Saturday night, watching some medical special on TV!

Look who peeked in his shorts and found a pair! What are you, feeling like you finally took on the old man in a game of one-on-one and kicked his ass? Well, here’s the news-flash, there, Skeetch: It was a fluke!

Look, please don’t think I’m impressed because you managed to score a sympathy date with whatever homely-looking chick is managing the gift shop nowadays.

Whatta you say, there, Stephanie; how about you step up to the plate and tell the guy. My God! I’m only three weeks old, and already I’ve got more stones than you do – and one of mine hasn’t even dropped yet.