Category: Put Downs

“Good point, Carla. Say, you don’t happen to have any other gems you wanna lay on us before you run off to couples therapy to sift through the wreckage that is the first year of your marriage, do ya?” –>

“Hat’s off, there, Barbie. That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.” –>

“Barbie! I have a finite amount of brain space and your inspiring story of the little breast who couldn’t just pushed out my memory of the 1980 Olympic Hockey team’s victory at Lake Placid. Miracle on Ice…gone!” –>

“Jordan, this hospital is literally crawling with germs and disease and in all fairness, you don’t know if that lady is a sickie or if she was here visiting a sickie and she ran her sickie hands all over her sickie face.” –>

“Oh dear God, you’re speechless. I won! I won an argument! Jack, it’s unprecedented. We’ll be at the playground drinking beer. Oh God, we love beer!” –>

“What’s this? Why, it’s a dummy-gram. And it’s addressed to you, Barbie. Let’s read it and find out what’s in there. “You are disturbingly naive. Stop. Almost fifty percent of ED drugs are taken by recreational users. Stop.” ” –>

“Do you have any idea what events would unfold if Jordan were to actually see that picture? It is a heartwrenching tale of woe involving Jordan’s second cousin who plays for the New England Patriots and me having a Super Bowl ring removed from my esophagus. No, Jordan’s never going to see these stitches.” –>

“I’m talking legitimate doctors, turtle head. Here, Pee-Pants is a pathologist, so he doesn’t count. Johnson is a dermatologist, which is Greek for “fake doctor,” and please don’t even get me started on you four surgeons.” –>

“Ooh, Bar-bye! You are up there without a net this time! Well, I sure do hope Mr. Chang rallies for ya, because if he doesn’t, sure shootin’ you’re gonna be hearing Bob Kelso’s voice saying “sweetheart, I told you so” from now until you are two inches shorter and driving around Florida with your left-hand blinker on.” –>

“Did you feel that you weren’t quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you’re the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.” –>