Category: Quips

“But, our new patient, Mr. Franks, in here is crazy rich, so I’d imagine Big Bob will be here momentarily to make love to his moneyclip.” –>

“Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally, but I’m having him spend the rest of the day checking that countertop’s heartbeat.” –>

” Jerk-Off of the Year. No, Bastard of the Year! Uh, don’t you tell me! Guy I Despise So Much, I’d Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave Ya by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face…of the Year.” –>

“Jordan, here’s the plan: I’m gonna go ahead and cram an entire evening’s worth of drinking into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them. Be particularly aware of the blonde talky one - I’ve worked with her before - she has no off button.” –>

“That’s a rookie move, and you hate to see it. You always side with the wife - even if she’s got a full-blown case of the crazies.” –>

“Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges. Now, you go tell your patient to let you do what you do best: Knock her out, and then start digging around inside of her like a blind man looking for a nickel.” –>

“Newbie! If you loved the sound of your very own voice any more, you would probably just sit in a little room all day and sing to yourself.” –>

“This is my new imaginary warning light. Whenever it starts blinking, a situation has ten seconds to resolve itself before I flash white with rage and kill someone.” –>

“Sweetie, you are an evil, soulless, chemically-enhanced battle-axe that I truly doubt is a hundred percent human, but…you are an amazing mom.” –>

“Hey now, great work back there, Gandhi. What a story, huh? Blood, bravery, illegal immigrants - it had it all. Hell, when you tell Carla about this, the next time you two have sex, there’s a slight chance that she actually just might think about you.” –>