Category: Season 1

You know I did get the memo Bob, and at first I just threw it away. But then I decided that wasn’t a grand enough gesture. So I made a replica of you out of straw and then I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over and light it on fire and whack it with sticks.

Hey, junior, cry me a river. My dance card is full-up, too.

I was just now wondering if there’s anything that could actually push my headache into a full-blown migraine, and…there you are.

Oh, Bob! When I heard you were up on the roof, I just naturally assumed it was because your evil mission here on planet earth had finally come to an end; so, tell me this: where, exactly, is the mother ship?

Okay. Think of what little patience I have as…oh, I don’t know…your virginity: You always thought it would be there, until that night junior year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin — who _just_ wanted to be friends — well, he dropped by, and he brought a copy of ‘About Last Night’ and a four-pack of Bartles and James and — ba-dow! hoo-hoo-hoo! — it was gone forever! …Just like my patience is now.

Oh, no. Here, I was led to believe that you were doing a gift certificate kind of thing. But, to sit and eat…with you, that’s-that’s just…that’s crazy talk! I have half a mind to issue you a drug test. I mean, come on, what’d I sign up for….?

Well, gosh, Marjorie, aren’t you sassy today! Did Santa finally bring you the Y chromosome you always wanted?

I know you. You’re gonna walk into that board room tonight, all tall and strong, and then you’re gonna sit back and just pray that nobody asks your opinion. I mean, I’m sure you-you probably think that your little visits here are a spontaneous surprise, but, did you ever wonder why the only two candles that I own are already lit when you walk in that door? I mean, doll, I hate to tell you this but, I don’t walk around all day with cologne down in my engine room. I’m not that guy!

So, in order to make this a more palatable experience for moi, I am not going to call you by your names — instead, I’ll be referring to you by whatever distinguishing physical characteristic occurs to me first. Okay…you, Chicken Beak, what causes pneumonia presenting with diarrhea?

Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?