Category: Season 1

I’ve. Had. Enough. The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I’m going to hurt them. And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak-show, take your Blah-blah” to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you’ve just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he’s drunk at the wheel.”

Oh, and, if you go ahead and listen very carefully, you’ll hear the familiar sound of no one caring.

Write this down, newbie: If you push around a stiff, nobody’ll ask you to do anything.

I don’t wanna give you my two cents’ worth. But if you ever do wanna know my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you’re an incredible pain and that every time I see your kew-pie-doll face, it just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you’ve wasted…fall out. Now laugh.

And you, my little precious, should give some thought to purchasing some non-bunching panties. They give you the extra support you love so much, while protecting against those offensive lines underneath your scrubs.

Now, whatta ya say, champ; you got a urine sample in there for me?

I don’t know if they taught you this in the land of fairies and puppy-dog tails, where you obviously, if not grew up then at least spent most of your summers, but you’re in the real world now. Nnnnn-kay?

Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact, the wall on which you’re leaning against. Of course, then you’d be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know! Here, it’s a conundrum. But don’t you worry about it — I’ll tackle that one upstairs. In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work. And right about now, even though you don’t have your basket, aw, it’s just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley. Skip away. Skip away. Go on. Skip away.

cut him or lose him.

Okay, Linus, you’re way too excited; I want you to get your blankie, go in a corner, and take a time-out.