Category: Season 2

Barbie, as long as you stay and work at this hospital, I’m always gonna be your superior…. That’s just the way it goes. Don’t get me wrong, you can keep trying to connect with me; I mean, hell, you’re…you’re so damn entertaining you just might make some head-way. But still, you might be better served — and, this is a crazy notion — if you could stop worrying so much about who does and doesn’t notice…you. Even for a second…that’d be good; that’d be real good.

Well, of course, that could be because he’s shaving his dome so much lately that the hair is actually starting to grow inward — it’s an affliction commonly known as the infro.””

Word to the wise, there, Astro: Sarcasm does not sit well with the Big Dog, so consider this a warning. Because the next time I hear you mumble some snarky little passive-aggressive aside, I’m going to look into your heart, pick out your greatest insecurity, and shine the world’s brightest spotlight on it for the remainder of your natural-born days. Now, riddle me this, Fido: Just exactly why does every Asian person who’s passing us by in the hallway, here, keep giving you the old stink-eye?

Listen closely, Tiny Dancer: I wouldn’t be flapping my mouth if I’d forgotten to get a blood culture on Mr. Blair. And, for the love of God, do you at least remember what you were doing the day they were passing out common sense? Oh, gosh, maybe you were running late that day ’cause you just couldn’t find the right thong for those low-rider jeans that you love so much, or maybe you were busy bopping along to whatever boy band really makes your heart race nowadays, and you just drove on by. ‘Course, I don’t know, I’m just guessing, but one things’ sure-shootin’: you wound up at the dumb-dumb store and you just went ahead and put so much of that into the car that you could fit, didn’t ya?

What that yellow-bellied scalpel jock should have done was to go down to Surgery and schedule himself for an early morning add-a-pair-tomy. That way, if it took, he’d have the stones to at least come and talk to you next time he had a problem.

Listen, there, Flowers: I know that your pink scrubs are balled up at the base of Barbie’s bed three nights a week – and congrats on that, really – but if you’re gonna go ahead and have a show-down with everyone who hassles her, then, gosh, you two aren’t gonna have any time for that sweet, Aryan sex that you love so much!

And for the hundredth time: You’re right, you had absolutely nothing to do with me getting involved in this Mrs. Bumbry case. But, for God’s sake, Carla, the much bigger problem facing us right now is just exactly how do we get you to stop annoying me?

Oh, and, Barbie? Let’s say word were to get out that Uncle Cox was doling out the feel goods? I’ll make ya pay — ya have no idea. Huge!

This whole I don’t care what people think about me” act? It’s pretty convincing. But methinks there’s a sad little cartoon boy living inside the hairy beast. And he’s sad because, at the end of the day, he realizes that the only thing people think about is what an evil son-of-a-bitch he really is. See you later, Bobbigator.”

Here you’ve put me in a tough situation: I can’t honestly decide whether to say, Duh,” uh, “Doy,” or a very sarcastic, “Oh, really?” My God, Fiona, I know it wasn’t your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it’s me, but doesn’t that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It…does, doesn’t it.”