Category: Season 3

“Come on, marriage is overrated. Jordan and I aren’t married, and we’re getting along great.”

“I apologize. I am a horse’s ass.”

“Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.”

“Can we at least have sex?”

“If you don’t wanna fight in front of Jack anymore, I understand that. But I don’t think that means we gotta stop altogether. I mean, Jordan, you are an unpredictable, passionate person, and you challenge me each and every day. And, honestly, that’s the reason I can imagine being with you when I’m seventy and you’re sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine.”

“You and your mother are basically the same person.”

“Well, when it’s my turn to listen to the baby monitor, I just wait till you’re asleep and I turn it off.”

“You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can’t tell.”

“Those pants make your ass look giant.”

“Since the baby came along we’ve been fighting less and less.”