Category: Season 4

395

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Pssst! Barbie! Listen carefully, because the policy remains unchanged: Unless someone is dying – and puh-lease note ‘dying’ not ‘dead’ – I’m not interested.

415

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Well, I’m gonna ignore it, but…yeah, knock yourself out.

436

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Great. Great, great, great, great. I took all his patients, and I threatened every single one of his residents under the penalty of death not to page him.

453

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

…in our defense, you’re overly cheery and we were bored…

484

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

maybe we could just fill a syringe with false promises and inject him with that.

510

Filed under: Season 4 — @

Loretta, relax, I’ve been involved in every ridiculous T.V.-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you’re actually fornicating with the animal it’s named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this: Narrow it down to two symptoms — vomiting and diarrhea. Because it’s just not E. coli unless it’s firing out both exits.

550

Filed under: Season 4 — @

All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I’m pretty quick to point out other people’s mistakes but…I have a son now, and I also realize that it’s important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he’d been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I’m sure some of your are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I’d like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This–this is no time to be modest. Come now. Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I’m a genius, I’m a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox…M.D.

396

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Oh, stop it. Why would I steal your moment? Except for maybe because payback is a bitch.

417

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Each and every one of you is going to kill a patient. At some point during your residency you will screw up, they will die, and it will be burned into your conscience forever. Hell, take pee-pants, here – he just might go ahead and get himself a good clean kill this morning, seeing as his patient, Mrs. Samson, is in DKA and he hasn’t been tracking her phosphate level. Her phosphate level. Her phosphate level.

437

Filed under: Season 4 — DRK @

Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn’t actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and doing pretty much everything shy of picking up your sundress from the drycleaners.

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