Category: Season 4

“Terrence doesn’t follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is “in” this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life. You see, the woman is everywhere! She’s there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can’t seem to get away from her. And that used to be fine when she just came around for five minutes every month or so to feed on my dignity, but now, I’d honestly kill myself, Bob, if I wasn’t convinced that Jordan wouldn’t already be there waiting for me in the afterlife. You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike-ride all along the banks of the River Styx.” –>

All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I’m pretty quick to point out other people’s mistakes but…I have a son now, and I also realize that it’s important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he’d been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I’m sure some of your are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I’d like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This–this is no time to be modest. Come now. Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I’m a genius, I’m a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox…M.D.
Still, I probably couldn’t have done it by myself, so I’d like to go ahead and recognize some of the other players who were involved. There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient…And then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis.And, last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr. Blake’s chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn’t even need. Now, he’s too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I’ll do the honors.He is so black, so bald, and he can’t eat cupcakes because he’s got diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!” –>

“Just tell me, how did you know what was bothering her? Tell me now so that we don’t have to talk anymore, ever.” –>

“Ah damn it Jordan, come on. Now you know I’m generally OK with you putting any poison you want into your body, but this is the first time I’ve ever won anything!” –>

“Alright, fine. I’m a little rougher than you are, but guess what? The two of us have two distinctively different parenting styles. You’re an overbearing hypercautious psychotic, and I’m… well, you know… fun? And I think if we could meet somewhere in the middle, I think Jack’s going to be terrific! And besides, it’s not like I ever put him in any real danger.” –>

“Shut it, Newbie. Your blacker half is trying to concentrate.” –>

“I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn’t let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I’m just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time.” –>

“Mr. Warner… do you see what you’ve made me do? By once again choosing to spend all of your free time out on the surface of the sun until melanoma has developed, you have forced me to pull the attending dermatologist away from his bacne seminar and validate his most ridiculous of career choices.” –>

“I gotta tell you there, Supercuts. I’ve seen a lot of crazy things at
this hospital. I’ve seen smokers live to be a hundred, and I’ve seen
triathletes come in here and drop dead at twenty. I’ve seen unbridled joy,
and I’ve seen debilitating pain. But I never thought I’d see a jumpsuit
wearing, van driving, vomit cleaning, no good confounded Frankenstein
looking baffoon like you get a girl like Barbie.” –>

“I’m on a break here, Newbie. Just tell your shiny headed roommate
if he doesn’t shut up his first surgery tomorrow will be removing that cell
phone from his own ass.” –>