“You know, jumpsuit, as I was scaling the hospital, I had an epiphany. This back-and-forth between you and I is just gonna get worse and worse. I mean, the only thing I could think about was retaliation, and I’m relatively certain that you’ve got a couple of tricks up your sleeve, too.”

“Look, Barbie, what you’re missing here is that you’re private practice now. That means you’re the enemy. And I know, as a doctor, disease is supposed to be the enemy, but I’m giving hepatitis and his bantam infectious buddies a pass, and I’m coming after you today. The bottom line is you’d rather clock out […]

“Laverne, if I accidentally backed my car over Barbie for sticking me with the worlds most annoying patient, what do you think your boy jesus would do? (…) He is a merciful god, is he not? Just tell her I’m still working, I have no idea what time I’m going to get off and just […]

“I don’t want to go home. Ever since Jordan entered her third trimester, she has become a needy, bloated Behemoth with a temper as big as her tree trunk-size cankles and besides, even if I did go home, she’d probably just send me out on a food run to satiate one of her insane cravings.”

“You’re giving orders to me? OMG, Barboo, you make me want to LOL. I just discovered text messaging. I know i’m a little late to the game, but that doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a G.A.B.P.I.T.A.W.M.W. number 2 “D.” Giant Annoying Bangsy Pain In The Ass Who Makes me Want to Die.”

“Oh sure, sure as long as you cut back on your vegetables. And maybe, you know, buy some clothes from this decade.”

“Oh yes, the huddled masses. Carla! I see you’re trying one of this etablishment disgusting new tomato muffin. Do you know who elses just love tomatoes? Our little orange friends, Mr Mehleison. As you correctly pointed out, the only thing he like more than tomatoes are carrots. And if carrots turn you yellow and tomato […]

“You usually have to go to a van convention to see art of the quality, you do.”

“Don’t say hate, gandhi, you keep throwing that word around so much it’s lost all of its meaning. Now I have to find another word stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others.
I mega-loathe you all.
Good day.”

“That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I’m whacking you with my clipboard brace yourself. (…) That’s it I’m waking both of you. Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real life medical mystery so that some doctor / supermodel will want […]