Category: Quips

Give my ex-wife, here, a physical. And don’t be afraid of that third eye on her chest. Just remember, it’s just as scared of you as you are of it.

Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren’t see ya”, then the third word will be “Oh, my God, my crotch, you’ve punched me in the crotch.”

Ohhh, hey Dr. Turk, you old turtle-headed pain in the ass. Aw! Dammit all, Perry, that is so not what you came down here to say! Now you’re better than that! Turn the car around!

Yeah, I pretty much freak out over staph infections, blood disease, mumps, measles, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and definitely all registered independents. So I think between us we’ve got everything covered.

You’re actually encouraging him to cross-dress on the same day that you’re introducing him to a religion that will condemn him to Hell for it. That’s a trauma twofer.

Say, Bobbo. You want to weigh in on pregnancy sex? You’ve seen an ultrasound. They have eyes, they have hands. How do you think they’re going to react to an intruder?

What could you possibly want from me in exchange for my support? Because I’m telling you right now, I am not dating that daughter of yours.

Newsflash: you can’t drink and then come to work – you’re not airline pilots!

Look, Pink, for the billionth time, no, I will not go out for a beer with you. Now repeat after me: Dr. Cox, you are not now, nor will you ever be, my mentor.

Oh hey there wait ’til you get a load of this, they’re giving me a teaching award tonight so I’m gonna need you to go ahead and holster up ‘the twins’ as you’ll be playing the role of arm-candy”.”