Category: Quips

Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I’ll just tell him it’s all a lie when he gets home so he doesn’t have any of those crazy nightmares.

I think you’ll find I’m being quite literal here at work today. Ask anyone. Lonnie, what happened earlier when you said, Give me a break”? (…) Had to be done. The man looked preposterous in aviators.”

Feelings.” That’s a good one.”

Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella, but you gotta snap out of it!

I think that your fiancé is a self-involved, bobble-headed jock itch who is not good enough for you. Not now, not ever.

We’re four seconds in and I’m already regretting my decision.

Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. Paige, I’d like you to meet random people I don’t care about.

I used to just look into my gut and know what to do. Now I got all this self-doubt. Barbie, you got massive amounts of doubt, romantically, professionally, personally. How do you deal with it?

Okay, here’s the deal. If we’re gonna beat this thing, and we damn sure are, we’re gonna do it one way and one way only. We’re gonna be a team! We’re gonna be a team, team, team, team, team! You hear me?

Boy, I’ll tell you what, it’s just not a wedding without a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, is it.