Category: Rants

Still, you’re not nearly as bad as her. Do you know how much you annoy me? The answer is: a lot. Should I list the reasons why?Well, I don’t see why not. It’s your hair, your nose, your chinless face, you always need a hug. Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug. That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex. And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex. (…) See now, Newbie? That’s the thing you do that drives me up a tree. ‘Cos no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be. So I’m stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son.It makes me suicidal and I’m not the only one, no I’m not the only one…(…) So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane and Sue. Like Moesha, Kim and Lilly and Suzanne and Betty Lou. Regardless of the names I pick my feelings are quite clear. You’re a pain in every day of every month of every year. (…)If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor, please just get me peace and quiet from this godforsaken pest.

I…hate…Robert Kelso. I hate his family, I hate his friends, I hate the guy that cleans his vaguely racist little lawn jockey; in fact, I hate anybody who ever even associates with him. Is that clear?

There is no one I hate more than that Medusa — she is everything that’s wrong with medicine. And even knowing that she’s in the hospital makes me want to tear someone’s head off.

I didn’t do anything. No yelling, no breaking stuff, nothing. And right then, I figured out what’s different. I figured out what that feeling was that I was having in the park the other day with my family. I’m…happy. Now does that not just make you sick?

No, Carla, men don’t love that. It turns out we don’t love picnics, foreplay, candles, baths, photo albums, or when you drive so that we can relax, and as always we’re not that big on Hugh Jackman. Lookit, the only thing men actually care about as far as dating is concerned is The Chase. If you want that guy to look your way, listen to me carefully, ignore the living hell out of him.

Everyone is annoying. I mean, take Jordan. She is just now returning from what I can only assume is her eleventh gynecological visit this month.

We are working. You see, even though we currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she is a heartless red state” supporting , NRA backing and illegal immigrant hating self-righteous misinformed dope – essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs.”

After twenty-five minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more is if you wrote My boyfriend doesn’t open up to me” on a big wooden mallet and repeatedly smashed me over the head with it. “

What, now that you’ve decided you’re ready to listen, how does it work, huh? You gonna pull a string on my back? Well, step right up and give it a tug. But, I’m warning you, I bet it keeps coming up Go to hell, Shakira.”

Oh, that’s just dandy. I got a billion patients and no rooms, and I got Newbie pestering me for advice on how to be the best woman at Turtlehead’s wedding, and I got a resident who can’t do a simple procedure even though she learned it the first week she was here.