Category: Season 1

Well, gosh, Marjorie, aren’t you sassy today! Did Santa finally bring you the Y chromosome you always wanted?

I know you. You’re gonna walk into that board room tonight, all tall and strong, and then you’re gonna sit back and just pray that nobody asks your opinion. I mean, I’m sure you-you probably think that your little visits here are a spontaneous surprise, but, did you ever wonder why the only two candles that I own are already lit when you walk in that door? I mean, doll, I hate to tell you this but, I don’t walk around all day with cologne down in my engine room. I’m not that guy!

So, in order to make this a more palatable experience for moi, I am not going to call you by your names — instead, I’ll be referring to you by whatever distinguishing physical characteristic occurs to me first. Okay…you, Chicken Beak, what causes pneumonia presenting with diarrhea?

Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?

It’s a diagnosis of a ridiculously obscure disease when it’s much more likely that the patient has a common illness presenting with uncommon symptoms. In other words, if you hear hoof-beats, you just go ahead and think horsies — not zebras. Mm’kay, Mr. Silly Bear?

Eisenhower….was a sissy.

Okay, Newbie, how’d you drop the ball on this one? And don’t tell me you cried, or I’m gonna have you banned from the men’s room again.

I think, by the grace of God, we’re gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I’m in the room, you’re definitely not allowed to talk.

You’re having a big day, there, Susan.

Whatta you say we cut to the chase? You’re dating Carla, the one person in this hospital I can remotely stand, and she wants us to get all kissy-face with each other — I get it, I do. But, you see, every single time I shake my magic 8 ball and ask it, Are we gonna be best friends forever?” do you know what it says?”