No: 510

Loretta, relax, I’ve been involved in every ridiculous T.V.-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you’re actually fornicating with the animal it’s named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this: Narrow it down to two symptoms — vomiting and diarrhea. Because it’s just not E. coli unless it’s firing out both exits.