Category: One Liners

You stole my moment. And you will pay.

I’ll tell you what, in about ten more minutes none of this is gonna matter, because this guy’s circling the drain.

Jordan, why would you need seven Pap smears in one month?

Easy, buddy. That smell burning your nostrils isn’t just the baby throw-up on her jacket – it’s the smell of a doctor with integrity.

I was just wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don’t show.

Mmm. And sassy, too. If you could cook a steak, I’d eat it right off your bottom!

Hey, Girl’s Name!

You know, you’re not looking as processed and overly-medicated as usual.

God, I hate Christmas. I really do.

I don’t know who you are, but thank you for this.