Category: Season 2

Oh, just not smart. Even for you.

Oh, hey, buddy! I was just thinking about you! Yeah, I was thinking how it might be real nice to have somebody around here who could help me out. You know, somebody I could call — oh, gosh — My Resident”…and we’d do stuff together. You know, medical stuff. And it would just be peaches! But then it occurred to me that a guy who looked a hell of a lot like you used to be that guy.

Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin’. Perry gonna get some lovin’. Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin’.

Did we just slip into some alternate dimension where I actually give a flying ducky about what you say and do?

Do you know how I know that this is yours, Farrah? ‘Cause when I paged you earlier, someone found it next to a can of Fresca and a dog-eared copy of Teen People magazine. Anyway — long story, short: The whole incident gave me a bang-up idea; because, you see, I’ve got tomorrow off. So I’m gonna be on my couch, sipping on some scotch and paging you every twenty seconds. And if you don’t answer every damn last one of ’em, I’m gonna shove this thing so far down your throat it’s gonna make you take a tinkle every time it goes off. — Big fun, right?

Ahh, such a lucky fetus!

Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey….

Listen, Newbie, I don’t tell you I respect you a lot because, well, I don’t.

All right, fair enough, here’s your chance — two identical patients. I say we divide ’em up, just like in ‘The Parent Trap’. One goes with the sexy, free-wheeling, bachelor dad — hello; the other goes with the whiny, neurotic, sexually-repressed mom — oh, just you all over.

As much as it may seem like it to me, personally, I feel desperately compelled to remind you that we are in fact not in prison. And I am just so not your bitch!