Category: Season 1

Look! This whole groovy guidance counselor” thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I’m not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you’ve got to leave me alone, or I’ll punish you.”

It’s the way you both play your parts with such wonderful commitment that almost had me believing that you aren’t having whiny, neurotic, extremely pale sex with each other.

I’m gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don’t overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself.

I’ve. Had. Enough. The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I’m going to hurt them. And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak-show, take your Blah-blah” to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you’ve just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he’s drunk at the wheel.”

Oh, and, if you go ahead and listen very carefully, you’ll hear the familiar sound of no one caring.

Write this down, newbie: If you push around a stiff, nobody’ll ask you to do anything.

I don’t wanna give you my two cents’ worth. But if you ever do wanna know my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you’re an incredible pain and that every time I see your kew-pie-doll face, it just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you’ve wasted…fall out. Now laugh.

And you, my little precious, should give some thought to purchasing some non-bunching panties. They give you the extra support you love so much, while protecting against those offensive lines underneath your scrubs.

Now, whatta ya say, champ; you got a urine sample in there for me?

I don’t know if they taught you this in the land of fairies and puppy-dog tails, where you obviously, if not grew up then at least spent most of your summers, but you’re in the real world now. Nnnnn-kay?