Category: Rants

67

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

Oh, I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I’m aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it’d be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won’t be. What you’ve got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they *so* belong!

261

Filed under: Rants,Season 3 — DRK @

Newbie! Let me – let me tell you a little story. It starts every day at 5 in the morning — which is just about the time that you’re setting your hair for work – when I am awakened by a sound: Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife? Nooo! That’s my son. He’s hungry and he’s got a load in his pants so big that I’m actually considering hiring a stable boy. But, I go ahead and dig in; because I do love the lad and, well gosh, you know me, I’m a giver. And I’m off to the hospital, where my cup runneth over with both quality colleagues, such as yourself, and a proverbial clown-car full of sick people. But, what the hey, my pay is about the same as guys who break rocks with other rocks and I only have to work three or four hundred hours a week, so, so far I’m a pretty happy camper! And then I head back home where I’m greeted by the faint musk of baby vomit in a house that used to smell like, well…nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I-i-in fact it used to smell like nothing at all. And all I want to do before I restart this whole glorious cycle is, you know, maybe lay on the couch and have a beer and watch some SportsCenter and, if I’m not too sweaty from the day’s labors, stick my hand right down my pants, buuut apparently that’s not in Jordan’s definition of pulling your weight”.

339

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

You’re more interested in being right than doing what’s right! And I just couldn’t take it! Can’t take it anymore!

598

Filed under: Rants — @

Because I told him to. And I know what you’re thinking, Dorothy: Why would I have your intern call you in on one of your very precious days off for something so gosh-darn trivial? Well, the real question ought to be, Why when you were an intern did you call me in time after time after time after time! So, now, to commemorate the first of many unnecessary disruptions of your life, I’ve invited Laverne’s church choir here to summarize my feelings in exuberant song.

733

Filed under: Rants — @

Blondie! He is private practice. Those guys are cocky jackasses who don’t give two shakes about anybody else’s opinion but their own. They’re…they’re me, with one addendum: They’re whores. And I’m not talking about the good kind of whores like my ex-wife. They’re whores for money.

76

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

Well, gosh, Newbie, I don’t know what it was about that day. Maybe I hadn’t had enough sleep. Maybe my mind was on other things. Maybe I didn’t have enough fiber in my diet, and I failed to do my morning business. I don’t know what the hell it was, but the bottom line is I didn’t feel like spelling it out for you. And I know, I know, you want your little speech, and that’s fine because here it is: You’re a doctor. You might get sick. Get over it.

262

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

Ohhhhh, my little newbie-doobie-doo! Say, that whole telling Jordan how I feel” thing just went terrific, thank you for that. Now I need a place to crash. Where’s Naomi’s bedroom? Good night, roomies.”

344

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

Look, I like you…so here’s some advice: Never, ever do anything with Bob Kelso. Don’t talk to him, don’t look at him, don’t even associate with guys his age on the outside chance that they just shared a steam together in that never ending Klan meeting that they call a country club”; right? He is…pure evil”

600

Filed under: Rants — @

There-there are actually many things in life that I’ve yet to figure out, like why men wear cellphones on their belt when they could so easily fit them in their pocket mere millimeters away. Or why – and I’m not complaining – women wear tube-tops even though every ten seconds it makes them do this: Get back in there!But, of all my endless queries, the one thing I damn sure will figure out – and soon – is how you keep coming up with all these fancy-pants answers. It is, for all intents and purposes, like they’re falling from the sky.

740

Filed under: Rants — @

That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I’m whacking you with my clipboard brace yourself. (…) That’s it I’m waking both of you. Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real life medical mystery so that some doctor / supermodel will want to touch your eruption button. But, here’s the bad news, this isn’t a tv show, there aren’t any cameras over here, real medical mysteries don’t happen every week and doctor damn sure don’t look like models, they look like Rex. (…) Chin up, you ugly bastard. So if you wanna solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who’s taking my NY Times every sunday. Or better yet how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks Dan Cook is funny. As far as Mr Pierce goes, he has run-of-the-mill pulmonary embolism and I know, I know it is a boring medical diagnosys. But that’s what hospitals are : boring.

Next Page »