Don’t say hate, gandhi, you keep throwing that word around so much it’s lost all of its meaning. Now I have to find another word stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others. I mega-loathe you all. Good day.

That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I’m whacking you with my clipboard brace yourself. (…) That’s it I’m waking both of you. Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real life medical mystery so that some doctor / supermodel will want […]

Easy, buddy. That smell burning your nostrils isn’t just the baby throw-up on her jacket – it’s the smell of a doctor with integrity.

Ah, when it comes to torturing you, everybody’s on the same page.

If I got to be right and have a private practice doctor die due to his own idiocy, I would call that a pretty full victory.

I’m just gonna go ahead and tip myself for calling this one. Thank you, me!

Look, you pretty obviously have short-circuited. Because the odds of you ever actually having a baby are roughly on a par with me finding the Loch Ness monster in my bathtub.

But since she brought you into the world, I do have a message for her uterus. Bad uterus! Don’t do that anymore.

Upsetting, but we persevere. Bottom line:There is no such thing as a perfect person. You. Tell her.

Fine, Lonnie, but hand to God, if you so much as look at me for the next month, I will mummify your head in surgical tape.