Ohhh, great! You’re getting medication for your pain patient! But, say, why stop there? How’s about we load up our fanny packs with happy pills, drive downtown, I’ll hang out of the sun-roof, and we can just throw fistfuls of ’em right at drug addicts and it’ll just be a big happy parade!

Look, I hate to question your three years of wisdom, but your pain guy is just like a million other drug addicts walking the hospitals every year with their aches, and their pains, and their spasms, and their cramps, and their myalgia, and their neuralgia, and their otalgia, and their every other -algia they can […]

I roughly think that would be the faint sound of your patient vomiting. You may be having trouble hearing it over the much louder sound of me being right yet again.

Clovaritol is a drug? Now, honestly, Bob, here I was under the impression that it was a travel agency, what with all the free golf trips they’ve gone ahead and sent you on.

Look, Newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital knowing only one thing — and God save me, it looks like there’s a real chance that might happen — please let this be that one thing: I’m in charge, and I don’t care about your opinion. Now go get me a cup of coffee.

Nooo, Bobbo! You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.

Lookit, it’s just that aortic dissections are a doctor’s worst nightmare. If you don’t catch ’em early, there’s about a ninety percent mortality rate. I mean, honestly, unless your patient was lucky enough to trip and fall into a CAT-scan machine, he wasn’t gonna have a happy ending. Newbie, we didn’t have a chance on […]

Yes, Newbie, I’m having a tough day. And of course I’d love to head home, but Jordan’s satanic brood has taken over my apartment and no man in his right mind would dare enter that place.

Looking for streamers and a–and a marching band, because this will be the ceremonial one-millionth time I’ve had to shake off something that you’ve said.

Oh, my God. Look, Abby, I didn’t write to you asking for help. So, if you continue on down this road, you’re going to end up eating, breathing, and relieving yourself through a tube of some kind. Signed, Dealing With It On His Own in Kansas.