Ten bucks says I can make that kid wet himself before the day is over.

Enggghhh! That’s the noise I make when somebody lies to me.

So, in order to make this a more palatable experience for moi, I am not going to call you by your names — instead, I’ll be referring to you by whatever distinguishing physical characteristic occurs to me first. Okay…you, Chicken Beak, what causes pneumonia presenting with diarrhea?

It’s a diagnosis of a ridiculously obscure disease when it’s much more likely that the patient has a common illness presenting with uncommon symptoms. In other words, if you hear hoof-beats, you just go ahead and think horsies — not zebras. Mm’kay, Mr. Silly Bear?

Okay, Newbie, how’d you drop the ball on this one? And don’t tell me you cried, or I’m gonna have you banned from the men’s room again.

Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn’t mean that the world has suddenly turned in to a giant green M&M. The Red Sox still suck, they do

addicts everywhere will still lie, cheat, and steal just to get a fix.!

Whatta you say we cut to the chase? You’re dating Carla, the one person in this hospital I can remotely stand, and she wants us to get all kissy-face with each other — I get it, I do. But, you see, every single time I shake my magic 8 ball and ask it, Are we […]

Note to self: You’ve got to start writing down the names of people that truly annoy you!

Look, we’re both men; one of us a little more than the other, but that’s okay.