Well, geez, Agnes, does the field hockey team know that you’re missing?

you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother.

Oh, listen here, pumpkin, if you’re honestly having this much trouble getting over me, just go ahead and give me a call and I’ll toss you a sympathy throw-down anytime.

Okay, Linus, you’re way too excited; I want you to get your blankie, go in a corner, and take a time-out.

Don’t look her in the eyes, newbie; she’ll steal your soul. So, how are things going down in the underworld?

“I have a six month old child. I’m gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park where everybody is like, ‘hmph is he the dad, is he the grandad, is he the grandad’s grandad? And oh my god why is he pushing a traffic cone on the […]

Oh, and, if you go ahead and listen very carefully, you’ll hear the familiar sound of no one caring.

It’s regular-strength Tylenol! Here’s what’cha do: Get her to open her mouth, take a handful, and throw it at her. Whatever sticks, that’s the correct dosage.

Mr. Bober, back there, is one of our frequent flyers; he’s been with us every six months for the last two years, and I’ve grown rather fond of him. So if you could somehow manage to not kill him, well then – oh, gee — that would just be ducky.

Oh, come on — what the hell, Newbie. This gentleman is suffering from an inflamed gallbladder, and you actually have him eating a grilled-cheese sandwich. Hhhere’s an idea: why don’t we just have him wash the whole thing down with a big ol’ mug of vodka.