God? My Brilliance is now becoming a bit of a burden….?

Giant who cares!

It’s impossible to actually lie next to Jordan. Seems as she sleeps hanging up-side-down from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

I…hate…Robert Kelso. I hate his family, I hate his friends, I hate the guy that cleans his vaguely racist little lawn jockey; in fact, I hate anybody who ever even associates with him. Is that clear?

And watching his face as I kick his worthless butt up and down this golf course every week is basically…, well, it’s the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.

You know that before medicine ever became a business, the only rule was to do your best to help the patient

Oh, great. I thought it was gonna take you a little longer, so the marching band won’t be here until this evening.

Listen, Super Girl: I’m gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand-piece puzzle of clear-blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to finish putting you back together again. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect.

Back when I was an intern, I remember the pressure being so insane that the only way I could get by was to race home and, even though my wife was already asleep, I’d gently wake her, look her in the eyes, and then I’d passive-aggressively torture her until she packed a bag and went […]

After twenty-five minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more is if you wrote My boyfriend doesn’t open up to me” on a big wooden mallet and repeatedly smashed me over the head with it. “