Big who cares! Not about Jack rolling over for the first time, but definitely about your reaction to my son rolling over for the first time. Point being that I missed it because I was here. You might want to get a pen out and write this down, because here comes the inside scoop: The […]

The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help.

You’re a doctor? Here, all this time I had thought that you were some kind of parasitic creature who lived shoulder-deep inside Big Bob’s colon.

Oh, gimme a break. We’ve never…’made love’.

Boy, that’s a great story, really. And I’m sure you were just a horrible big brother.

Oh, here I’d been told you left. It made me happy.

Well, I’ll tell you what, there, Dan: I’m gonna go ahead and worry about how we do things around here. But if I ever do need to find out how to make a top-notch rum and coke, well, by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cause I just might give you a […]

Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff — […]

You know what a boss is: For you, that would be the seventeen-year-old that tells you to clean out the grease-trap after you’ve filled all the ketchups.

Oh, I could just give you a hug! Of course, I never would! I could, but I never would, God save me! I never would…