All right. Here’s how it’s going to work, people. I’m going to ask each and every one of you just exactly who is the very finest physician in this city, to which you will respond, You are!” If you do not reply in a timely and exuberant fashion, my associate will take his mop and, […]

I’ve seen that kid. Horrible doctor. I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula. Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it, I didn’t hate it. Here’s what you do with this Keith: Turn the heat up on his ass and he’ll […]

Your breath?

I just thought your friends might be interested in seeing this photo. I took with my cell phone the other night. I’m going to airbrush Friends Forever.” Then I’m gonna hang these bad boys

I’ve got to be honest. I’m confused, Sasquatch.

Swing by my place and see if we can’t get it 100 percent off?

Say, that’s a real nice pantsuit you have there.

Are you crazy? Why would you want your wife in the gym? You don’t hate your wife yet. But think about it, huh? You go to work, she’s there. You go out, she’s there. And when you go home, where is she? Women are everywhere. Except for the gym. That’s why it’s such a magical […]

You know what else I hate about Kelso? His hair smells like a pet store.

I’ll drink to hate.