Hark, it is the high-pitched warble of the nosy nelly! Don’t see many of those flitting about these halls anymore because, well, quite frankly, when one does — one shoots to kill.

I need you to extubate the young fellow in 304 and start an insulin drip on Mrs. Adler for the third time this month — God bless diabetics who continue to drink — oh, and Lassie! In response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I’ve decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl’s […]

Hey, Carla, would you be good enough to take this young gentleman back to his room in Pediatrics? Apparently as a form of social protest, he chewed on and subsequently swallowed part of a Rolling Stones CD. I’ll tell you what, there, Ralphie: They sold out for good once they started doing Ford commercials, you […]

If I’m not back in twenty minutes, I don’t want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home.

What’s the matter? Are you getting all sore around that hump above your butt where your tail used to be?

This whole I don’t care what people think about me” act? It’s pretty convincing. But methinks there’s a sad little cartoon boy living inside the hairy beast. And he’s sad because, at the end of the day, he realizes that the only thing people think about is what an evil son-of-a-bitch he really is. See […]

It’s a joke! No one’s gonna believe that Kelso actually died!

Sorry girls! Dropped my computer….yeah.

Listen, there, Flowers: I know that your pink scrubs are balled up at the base of Barbie’s bed three nights a week – and congrats on that, really – but if you’re gonna go ahead and have a show-down with everyone who hassles her, then, gosh, you two aren’t gonna have any time for that […]

Work! I hate you! You suck!