You know, I always wanted to be the father of a tiny gay sailor. Jordan, come on, we agreed that we would wait until he’s quite a bit older before we started systematically ruining his life, right?

I know that the very idea of you doing a favor for me makes those ass cheeks clench up so tight that you could shove a lump of coal up there and probably crap out a diamond!

Newbie, did you not see what just happened? Kelso is so far up my ass that I can taste Brylcreem in the back of my throat. And you, you’re…you’re third-year now. Wake up, this whole Dr. Cox Riding in to The Rescue part of the show is over.

Stop addressing me as Dr. Cox” in front of your patients. When they find out my actual name, they tend to page me with questions when they realize just exactly how inept you really are. Oh, and as an added safety measure, from now on, I’ll only be responding to “Doc,” “Doctor,” “Ceasar,” or “The […]

I said I think you may not be the worst resident ever, but I can’t be sure of stuff like that. Come on, I haven’t done the appropriate leg work!

I was scared. In fact, I was freaking out all day, because I’m quite confident that I’m gonna be an absolutely horrible father.

Nice call on the anti-seizure medication, there, Newbie. You know I’m actually starting to think you may not be the worst resident that ever lived.

So, you caught sight of the Janitor’s window crank, and think you may have seen a little melanoma on there? Hmm! Well, then, it’s your obligation as a doctor and your privilege as a woman to go back and ask him if you can’t see it one more time. Now, ‘course I’d love to help, […]

Well, you shoulda let me hire the really skinny model. At least if she ate Jack, she’d throw him up right after.

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! One of you minions spit out another question, will ya! Yo! Nervous Guy – now I don’t care how many times your little prepubescent voice cracks. Hit me, baby!