Category: Quips

“Say, Bobbo. You want to weigh in on pregnancy sex? You’ve seen an ultrasound. They have eyes, they have hands. How do you think they’re going to react to an intruder?”
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“Barbie, there you are. Thank God. As you know, I can’t make a decision without your help, so here goes. On Oprah, there’s a story about Lindsay Lohan’s eating disorder, but on E! there’s a story about Lindsay Lohan’s fabulous new Tribeca loft. Don’t get me wrong, I want to watch something about Lindsay Lohan. I’m just a little lost here.”
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“I used to just look into my gut and know what to do. Now I got all this self-doubt. Barbie, you got massive amounts of doubt, romantically, professionally, personally. How do you deal with it?”
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“I think you’ll find I’m being quite literal here at work today. Ask anyone. Lonnie, what happened earlier when you said, “Give me a break”? (…) Had to be done. The man looked preposterous in aviators.”

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“My turn. Have you seen how stupid you look when you do your angry quick-walk?”
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“Holy moly! That would’ve been really embarrassing if you were black.”
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“But since she brought you into the world, I do have a message for her uterus. Bad uterus! Don’t do that anymore.”
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“Dan, do you ever have to pinch yourself to make sure it’s all not some crazy dream?”
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“Excuse me, does anyone here happen to have a plate of jeebies? Because these two just gave me a big old scoop of the heebies. Seriously, it cannot just be me. I want to hear from the audience. I do. Dating in the workplace. She’s the boss. He’s the pretty intern. Tell me what’s bugging you. Courage. (…) Gloria, telling it like it smells. I’m proud of you. Barbie, who hurt you?”
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“You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you I find myself cheering, “Go hypercalcemia with underlying MEN syndrome! Go! Go! Go!” ”
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