Category: Quips

Hey, do you know any women who hate themselves enough to actually date me?

Lookit, I don’t have time right now to be the hundred-watt bulb for your annoying little moth, so if you could just fly away, that’d be great. Just fly awa–hey….?

Oh, this is me mature. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Clovaritol is a drug? Now, honestly, Bob, here I was under the impression that it was a travel agency, what with all the free golf trips they’ve gone ahead and sent you on.

Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I’ll just tell him it’s all a lie when he gets home so he doesn’t have any of those crazy nightmares.

I think you’ll find I’m being quite literal here at work today. Ask anyone. Lonnie, what happened earlier when you said, Give me a break”? (…) Had to be done. The man looked preposterous in aviators.”

Feelings.” That’s a good one.”

Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella, but you gotta snap out of it!

I think that your fiancé is a self-involved, bobble-headed jock itch who is not good enough for you. Not now, not ever.

We’re four seconds in and I’m already regretting my decision.