Category: Quips

God? My Brilliance is now becoming a bit of a burden….?

And watching his face as I kick his worthless butt up and down this golf course every week is basically…, well, it’s the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.

you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother.

Oh, great. I thought it was gonna take you a little longer, so the marching band won’t be here until this evening.

I want you to start a drain on the purulent pericarditis in Bed 23 — now that’s a tricky bastard, he’s tried to die five times on me already today. Keep an eye on him.!

Relationships. Well, Sigmund, relationships are so fragile, it just takes one thing, one…tiny little offense, and it can snowball on ya. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go, my friend.

if you ever were able to actually release all the tensions that are bottled up inside you, what would that look like? How would that go?

Now listen, even though I am in the best shape of my life — and I am, by the way…I mean, fact of the matter is you could pretty much bounce a damn quarter off my butt, you know, if you…if you wanted to.

Every one of our parents does some considerable emotional damage and from what I’ve heard it just might be the best part of being a parent.

What’s up, porn star?