Category: Quips

“Ok, in here we have Mrs. Frank, who is in renal-failure, a–and over here we have Dr. TurtleHead, who is suffering from a severe case of…”the Sulkys”. Symptoms include bad posture, moppy face and a sudden uncontrollable flailing of the upper extremities. Is it possible I’ve misdiagnosed this modality? (…) There it is. That a boy! Beat it. All of ya! (…)”

“Noobie’s test result came back. He’s got Vasovagal Syncope. (…)If he’s vigorously Valsalva he can activate his reflex and actually lose consciousness. Carla…he’d pass out when he pooes!”

“Dorian, again! That I don’t know if it’s the hormones or if the baby is actually eating the the bitch-cells but Jordan has…softened.In fact last night she…she ask me to cuddle her.”

“DOOORIAN! You have been wrong about so many things that…I’m not even going to say something’s wrong anymore, instead I’m going to say It’s Dorian! And the fact that you’ll be willing skip seeing that child’s heartbeat for the first time…it’s just plain Dorian! I mean, hell, Jordan is having her second ultrasound and I couldn’t be more giddy I can’t wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax-break.”

“Oh, Nurse Kelso, ooh, purple is not your color. Listen, could you con out the housekeeping and maybe send up some fresh scrubs for me and–psst, come here. Please put on a bra, you’re distracting some of the other doctors.”

“Ooh, so that’s why we’re over there. Here I thought it was a rude act of terrorism, or was it for the oil? Or for mama Hussein secret Falafel rest I’ve been ashklashf…Gosh, that hard to keep track.”

“She’s been gone 6 weeks, Bobo. But wait, before I make you look like a complete idiot, we’d all like to thank you for setting up the new employee discount of copydump. Gang! (…) And back to insulting you, she’s been gone 6 weeks, Bobo, the 6 days that you’re referring to are the 6 days you actually worked this month.”

“We are running a test that’s a waste of our time. But at least she’ll accept she’s medically fine. She’ll admit that she’s nuts or I’ll have to say “snore”. Just give her the CAT-Scan and show her the door.”

“You know, jumpsuit, as I was scaling the hospital, I had an epiphany. This back-and-forth between you and I is just gonna get worse and worse. I mean, the only thing I could think about was retaliation, and I’m relatively certain that you’ve got a couple of tricks up your sleeve, too.”

“Don’t say hate, gandhi, you keep throwing that word around so much it’s lost all of its meaning. Now I have to find another word stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others.

I mega-loathe you all.

Good day.”