Category: Quips

72

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.”

75

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Hey, do you know any women who hate themselves enough to actually date me?

77

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Feelings.” That’s a good one.”

79

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Okay, here’s the deal. If we’re gonna beat this thing, and we damn sure are, we’re gonna do it one way and one way only. We’re gonna be a team! We’re gonna be a team, team, team, team, team! You hear me?

85

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Give my ex-wife, here, a physical. And don’t be afraid of that third eye on her chest. Just remember, it’s just as scared of you as you are of it.

87

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

What could you possibly want from me in exchange for my support? Because I’m telling you right now, I am not dating that daughter of yours.

93

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

The man’s 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn’t even know we’re here. He is inches from Carla’s rack and he hasn’t even flinched.

100

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Look, worst case scenario, you kill somebody, and that hangs over your head the rest of your life.

106

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Jordan. What a coincidence! You were in my dream last night. I can’t say for certain, but I was having the flesh torn from my bones by a cross-eyed water snake — you, right?

111

Filed under: Quips — DRK @ 4:44 pm

Listen, girlfriend, I don’t wanna hear your misguided romantic notions. You see, for me, sex is a sport — like racquet-ball: You play hard for a half an hour, work up a sweat, and hope you don’t get hit in the eye.

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