Category: Rants

181

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

I need you to extubate the young fellow in 304 and start an insulin drip on Mrs. Adler for the third time this month — God bless diabetics who continue to drink — oh, and Lassie! In response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I’ve decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl’s name and instead I’m gonna be referring to you by whatever famous dog I can think of. I’ve gone with Lassie” because, of course, that satisfies the criteria of being both a girl and a dog’s name, thus helping you ease into the transition.”

556

Filed under: Rants — @ 12:00 am

Wouldn’t have mattered, Jordan. You know why? Because I am always right. It’s something my…my old pal, Gandhi here, knows a little something about, because, you see, we are both egotistical peas in a giant narcissistic pod. And, to prove my point, I’m gonna go ahead and make a unnecessarily showy but undeniably impressive exit. Rope time, Gandhi.

1

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

“I have a six month old child. I’m gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park where everybody is like, ‘hmph is he the dad, is he the grandad, is he the grandad’s grandad? And oh my god why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five year old little boy is in the mud crying? Is is he taunting the little boy? No! He can’t even see the little boy. And now look he’s actualy taking the traffic cone, putting it in the minivan, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches finding nemo on dvd.”

279

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

Morning, class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both Surgical and Medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city! Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws!

624

Filed under: Rants — @ 12:00 am

I was talking to you ladies. Newbie, listen to me. You never stop being annoyed by the little things. Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I’ve ever met. Are you trying to tell me that you’re not bothered by that?

67

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

Oh, I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I’m aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it’d be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won’t be. What you’ve got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they *so* belong!

339

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

You’re more interested in being right than doing what’s right! And I just couldn’t take it! Can’t take it anymore!

733

Filed under: Rants — @ 12:00 am

Blondie! He is private practice. Those guys are cocky jackasses who don’t give two shakes about anybody else’s opinion but their own. They’re…they’re me, with one addendum: They’re whores. And I’m not talking about the good kind of whores like my ex-wife. They’re whores for money.

182

Filed under: Rants — DRK @ 12:00 am

Hey, Carla, would you be good enough to take this young gentleman back to his room in Pediatrics? Apparently as a form of social protest, he chewed on and subsequently swallowed part of a Rolling Stones CD. I’ll tell you what, there, Ralphie: They sold out for good once they started doing Ford commercials, you know what I’m saying?

557

Filed under: Rants — @ 12:00 am

Oh my God, it is a completely useless organ. Oh, wait a minute, that’s not completely true. Here, it turns out, we could remove it and then jam it in your mouth to keep you from asking the same question we’ve been going over for three straight days. Now, come on, we’re both in a position to get some good news here: You’re gonna feel better, and I’m gonna get the world’s most annoying patient the hell out of my hair. Plus, you’re in a bonus situation – I hand-picked the surgeon that you’re going to be torturing.

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