Category: Rants

125

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

You’re gonna love this one! Twenty-five-year-old woman — dancer, actually…well, not anymore, I’m afraid we have to take both of her legs — bilateral gangrene — and seeing as her husband recently passed away, and her insurance at the dancer’s union probably is not gonna cover it, you should go ahead and tell her she won’t be able to stay here with us for her rehab.

277

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

I just can’t believe how comfortable I’ve gotten talking to you over these last few months. I mean, look, I’d still be with my old shrink if I hadn’t cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to…likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith.

539

Filed under: Rants — @

Feel free to take notes. Alright there Blossom, here’s the hot gossip. You’re having seizures again because you’re not taking your medication. If this continues, you will be dead… and I’m not talking about the oh my God, if I don’t get invited to the prom I’m going to die” type of dead I’m talking, dead dead. Is that clear enough for you? Because if it’s not I could of course text you on my Blackberry, or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry, although technically Chuck Berry is a black berry. The point is you gotta to stop wasting everybody’s time and grow up, is that clear to you sweetheart?”

617

Filed under: Rants — @

I am just sick and tired of having to live up to everyone’s expectations. Lonnie needs a central line, you want me to help Mrs. London and every patient in this dump looks at me for some miracle cure. I mean, honestly, Carla, with Jehovah as my witness, sometimes it is just too much. It’s not just here. It’s home. Jordan expects me to be this amazing, sensitive father.

747

Filed under: Rants — @

Laverne, if I accidentally backed my car over Barbie for sticking me with the worlds most annoying patient, what do you think your boy jesus would do? (…) He is a merciful god, is he not? Just tell her I’m still working, I have no idea what time I’m going to get off and just go ahead and eat the entire mattress. I mean, for the love of god! I spend the entire day with patients and the entire night with her. I need a hide-out.

1

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

“I have a six month old child. I’m gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park where everybody is like, ‘hmph is he the dad, is he the grandad, is he the grandad’s grandad? And oh my god why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five year old little boy is in the mud crying? Is is he taunting the little boy? No! He can’t even see the little boy. And now look he’s actualy taking the traffic cone, putting it in the minivan, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches finding nemo on dvd.”

141

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

You see Dr. Wen in there? He’s explaining to that family that something went wrong and that the patient died. He’s gonna tell them what happened, he’s gonna say he’s sorry, and then he’s going back to work. You think anybody else in that room is going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves, that’s why we make jokes. We don’t do it because it’s fun — we do it so we can get by…and sometimes because it’s fun. But mostly it’s the getting by thing.

279

Filed under: Rants — DRK @

Morning, class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both Surgical and Medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city! Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws!

540

Filed under: Rants — @

Sooooo Linz-o, ha h-it must be kind of cool having the same name as that Lindsay Lohan. Gosh, she’s super-cool. Just between you, me and the I.V. I guess I’ve probably seen Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” oh, I don’t know, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8-9 times ha h- what a film. Whew!”

624

Filed under: Rants — @

I was talking to you ladies. Newbie, listen to me. You never stop being annoyed by the little things. Take Gandhi here. Your wife is the bossiest woman I’ve ever met. Are you trying to tell me that you’re not bothered by that?

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