Category: Season 1

I think, by the grace of God, we’re gonna be okay. Oh, and from now on, whenever I’m in the room, you’re definitely not allowed to talk.

You’re having a big day, there, Susan.

Whatta you say we cut to the chase? You’re dating Carla, the one person in this hospital I can remotely stand, and she wants us to get all kissy-face with each other — I get it, I do. But, you see, every single time I shake my magic 8 ball and ask it, Are we gonna be best friends forever?” do you know what it says?”

It’s regular-strength Tylenol! Here’s what’cha do: Get her to open her mouth, take a handful, and throw it at her. Whatever sticks, that’s the correct dosage.

Look! This whole groovy guidance counselor” thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I’m not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you’ve got to leave me alone, or I’ll punish you.”

It’s the way you both play your parts with such wonderful commitment that almost had me believing that you aren’t having whiny, neurotic, extremely pale sex with each other.

I’m gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don’t overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself.