Category: Season 1

Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact, the wall on which you’re leaning against. Of course, then you’d be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know! Here, it’s a conundrum. But don’t you worry about it — I’ll tackle that one upstairs. In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work. And right about now, even though you don’t have your basket, aw, it’s just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley. Skip away. Skip away. Go on. Skip away.

believe me, I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will, but your timing cou-hould not be worse.

if I ask you a question that doesn’t specifically deal with a medical issue, you can bet your powdered bottom that I don’t want you to answer. Do you understand?

Well, you definitely need something. Um, maybe a backbone, or perhaps some testicles. At the very least, a pillow that you could carry around the hospital and just cry your sad eyes out into whenever drama occures.

Ahhh, sorry to interrupt you, there, Bobbo, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born — nay, spawned” — by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat-bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can’t just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And, besides, with your money, you oughtta able to keep a little man tucked away in the closet and bring him out whenever you want to knock him around, huh?”

Hey, junior, cry me a river. My dance card is full-up, too.

Oh, Bob! When I heard you were up on the roof, I just naturally assumed it was because your evil mission here on planet earth had finally come to an end; so, tell me this: where, exactly, is the mother ship?

Oh, no. Here, I was led to believe that you were doing a gift certificate kind of thing. But, to sit and eat…with you, that’s-that’s just…that’s crazy talk! I have half a mind to issue you a drug test. I mean, come on, what’d I sign up for….?

I know you. You’re gonna walk into that board room tonight, all tall and strong, and then you’re gonna sit back and just pray that nobody asks your opinion. I mean, I’m sure you-you probably think that your little visits here are a spontaneous surprise, but, did you ever wonder why the only two candles that I own are already lit when you walk in that door? I mean, doll, I hate to tell you this but, I don’t walk around all day with cologne down in my engine room. I’m not that guy!

Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on, or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?