Category: Season 1

believe me, I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will, but your timing cou-hould not be worse.

Oh, listen here, pumpkin, if you’re honestly having this much trouble getting over me, just go ahead and give me a call and I’ll toss you a sympathy throw-down anytime.

if I ask you a question that doesn’t specifically deal with a medical issue, you can bet your powdered bottom that I don’t want you to answer. Do you understand?

Well, geez, Agnes, does the field hockey team know that you’re missing?

Well, you definitely need something. Um, maybe a backbone, or perhaps some testicles. At the very least, a pillow that you could carry around the hospital and just cry your sad eyes out into whenever drama occures.

Listen, Super Girl: I’m gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand-piece puzzle of clear-blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to finish putting you back together again. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect.

Ahhh, sorry to interrupt you, there, Bobbo, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born — nay, spawned” — by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat-bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can’t just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And, besides, with your money, you oughtta able to keep a little man tucked away in the closet and bring him out whenever you want to knock him around, huh?”

You know I did get the memo Bob, and at first I just threw it away. But then I decided that wasn’t a grand enough gesture. So I made a replica of you out of straw and then I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over and light it on fire and whack it with sticks.

Hey, junior, cry me a river. My dance card is full-up, too.

I was just now wondering if there’s anything that could actually push my headache into a full-blown migraine, and…there you are.