Category: Season 3

Out of my way, space-waster!

Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry’s Perspective. One: If someone’s standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called Bring back the porn!” Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor — nay, respected as a man — is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.”

The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help.

You’re a doctor? Here, all this time I had thought that you were some kind of parasitic creature who lived shoulder-deep inside Big Bob’s colon.

Oh, gimme a break. We’ve never…’made love’.

I’m gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testicles; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want.

Did I just walk in on you mocking an innocent patient!?

You know what a boss is: For you, that would be the seventeen-year-old that tells you to clean out the grease-trap after you’ve filled all the ketchups.

Good God in heaven, Newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never; not in a million years; absolutely not; no way, Jose; no chance, Lance; niet; negatory; mm-mm; nuh-uh; oh-oh; and of course my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff — Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!…”

Well, I’ll tell you what, there, Dan: I’m gonna go ahead and worry about how we do things around here. But if I ever do need to find out how to make a top-notch rum and coke, well, by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cause I just might give you a jingle.