Category: Season 3

“I think showing perfectly healthy people every harmless imperfection in their body just to scare them into taking invasive and often pointless tests is an unholy sin.” –>

“Yes, Bob, those pants do make you look like you’re holding water.” –>

“I hope this won’t be awkward for ya, but I promised the whole band you’d have sex with them.” –>

“Oh, don’t even start, Tarla, or Curk, or whatever you’re calling this little two-headed judgmental freak-show. Why don’t I do a little piece for you I like to call Your First Year of Marriage: “I do.” Oh, kiss, kiss, kiss. “Why can’t we have a baby?” “Why you spending so much money on clothes?” “Why you sleeping with my sister?” “Why can’t I hang out with my peeps?” –>

“We’re so close, and yet if anybody asks if we’re married, all either one of us can say is - is no.” –>

“Here’s a story: It’s called The Security Guard Who Was Sodomized With His Own Nightstick.” –>

“Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don’t, do ya. I’m onto you, Big Man!” –>

“Who said who to what now?” –>

“I’m–I’m–I’m sorry. Look, there’s a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she’s harping at me, I actually see your face.” –>

“Quick question: Will my son ever stop crying?” –>