Category: Season 3

Okay! Now, just because Jordan thinks it’s cute that you’re violating her little sister doesn’t mean that you can use my guest-room for your nerdy, G-rated sexcapades.

I’ll tell you what to do: Get the hell out of here.

Ohhh, great! You’re getting medication for your pain patient! But, say, why stop there? How’s about we load up our fanny packs with happy pills, drive downtown, I’ll hang out of the sun-roof, and we can just throw fistfuls of ’em right at drug addicts and it’ll just be a big happy parade!

I think showing perfectly healthy people every harmless imperfection in their body just to scare them into taking invasive and often pointless tests is an unholy sin.

If you don’t wanna fight in front of Jack anymore, I understand that. But I don’t think that means we gotta stop altogether. I mean, Jordan, you are an unpredictable, passionate person, and you challenge me each and every day. And, honestly, that’s the reason I can imagine being with you when I’m seventy and you’re sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine.

You’re a doctor? Here, all this time I had thought that you were some kind of parasitic creature who lived shoulder-deep inside Big Bob’s colon.

sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life’s great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal’s Adam’s apple.

I swear to God, Carla, if one more annoying thing comes my way, please just go ahead and extract some of that extra air out of Barbie’s head and inject it right into my veins!

Well, you said that he wasn’t; and as a rule, I always take whatever you say and just go in the exact opposite direction with it. But, more than that, Barbie, the main reason is because…well, lookit, medicine is all about experience.

Listen, there, scrub-brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint. And besides, as a fellow abusive drinker, you are honor bound by barstool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.