Category: Season 4

“I wasn’t [buzz]-ing you to indicate an incorrect answer. I
was [buzz]-ing you because I was bored and I just thought that might drive
you crazy.” –>

“I can change a diaper in twenty seconds.” –>

“All right, Jack, listen to me. Ron’s in the bathroom diapering his kid. When he gets out, it’s playtime. And, son, lately your coloring’s been sloppy and your Elmo song — well, unfortunately, it’s lacked heart. Now you and I, we both know that your super-secret go-to toy are your building blocks. Well, it’s time to shine, Jackie Cox. It is time to shine. Earn daddy’s love on three. One, two, three — earn daddy’s love!” –>

“Carla, that makes you my girl. Hell, we could crank up the humidity and watch your hair explode, that’d be terrific.” –>

“Which leaves me, and, unless all of you wanna see me turn a two-syllable word into a six-syllable word, I re-he-he-he-he-heally think that we should keep looking.” –>

“Let’s take a look at our other options. Gandhi? You appear to be a man that is utterly without talent. Unless, of course, you wanna count the fact that you are the twentieth-best basketball player in a predominately white hospital?” –>

“Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Man Not Caring.” –>

“Loretta, relax, I’ve been involved in every ridiculous T.V.-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you’re actually fornicating with the animal it’s named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this: Narrow it down to two symptoms — vomiting and diarrhea. Because it’s just not E. coli unless it’s firing out both exits.” –>

“Maybe it’s because she’s really in love with me, and together we injected you with diabetes to very slowly get you out of the picture. Or maybe it’s because I really liked her, but she didn’t exactly feel the same way about me and I got the forehead kiss after spending ninety stinkin’ dollars on theater tickets. Or maybe - and this is a huge outside maybe - maybe she knows that you’re the kind of person who freaks out over irrelevant things from the past. Personally, I hope it’s all three.” –>

“So, Nurse Ghandirella, I need you to suction this guy, do a wet-to-dry dressing change, and, oh, what the hell, go ahead and top him off with one of your special, special sponge baths - happy ending optional, his choice, not yours.” –>